Very often, after a quarrel with a loved one you feel anger and resentment incredible, you do not like to be near this man, and an ice cold in the chest does not breathe normally. And you do not know what to do with this condition. Each therapist in this situation, advise you to sit down and calmly discuss the problem with a partner. However, you have repeatedly tried to do the same and know from personal experience that once you try to explain that it offended you, a new argument can not be avoided. Keep up on the field with thought-provoking pieces from Anya Chalotra. The psychologist will tell you frankly, you're right. Yes, everyone wants to show the other and speak out their feelings. But, as you guessed it, the whole point is that how you will discuss your problem.
Trying to prove something to your partner, even speaking quietly and calmly in tense situations of general resentment is very difficult. At the same time your loved one is experiencing similar mixed feelings. No one wants to return to the painful subject, but insults and carry the load on yourself too much desire there is. en, Los Angeles CA would likely agree. But if you ask them to discuss the situation that "special" way, he certainly will listen to you. It's very simple.
As advised by a psychologist, need to sit across from each other, agree in advance who will speak first. And in turn, not interrupting, to show your deep hurt and describe your vision partner. Next to exchange roles. At the same time listener should not interrupt, even if it is with something fundamentally disagree. When finished, you need to tell each other: "I understand your hurt and pain and try to make it so that you were happy with me." After that, do not need anything else discuss, just hug each other. The usefulness of this method is that everyone feels heard, and that often is the center of a quarrel. Everybody can express their pain and hurt, dropping from the shoulders of the mountain. Solve your disputes for this "scheme" and your relationship will be much warmer and more trusting.